Funny Maid of Honour Speech

This maid of honour speech is a bit on the sarcastic/funny side.

So if it's too much for you, you might want to tone it down a bit and make it more warm and fuzzy depending on the relationship you have with the bride.

Beginning of Maid of Honour Speech

Well, for those of you who I haven't had the chance to meet yet, my name is Mary. Eileen and I have been best friends for around the last 10 years. We first met at work one day when she stole my carrot cake out of the fridge in the lunch room so I threw her dumb pineapple yogurt cartons in the trash.

I never had a sister but Mary has been my stand-in sister for all these years. You could say we are even closer than sisters. We don't fight like sisters, but we do wear each other's clothes. Somehow she can still fit into my clothes but I can't fit into hers anymore. I'm sure that is just because my dryer is extra hot and is probably shrinking my clothes.

I knew Mary had found the one when Bobby walked into her life. Sure, she dated a few guys…after I was done torturing them.

But Bobby was different. Unlike those jerks, he was kind and thoughtful. And he had a job.

You could see that it was love at first, second and third sight. Clearly Bobby is charming and it seems to me he offers her what she needs- a strong arm, a kind ear and an American Express Black Card.

I trust Mary and Bobby completely. I remember the time I asked them to watch my dog Benji when I went skiing in Europe. They were so nice to help out. I got back and Benji was so happy to see me. He was 40 pounds lighter and now he sees a therapist twice a week.

Of course we are having fun today. The test of this relationship will be over the long term. Will she still love Bobby when he leaves his underwear on the floor and cuts his toenails at the dinner table?

The answer is no. God, please, disgusting.

No, seriously, I know they will have challenges as all relationships do. And Bobby will learn what all men learn eventually. Keep your wife happy! Happy wife, happy life.

No, really, what's great about love and relationships and marriage is learning to grow together. The communication it takes to keep a marriage going is massive. But half the fun is working things out, talking, communicating, and launching kitchen appliances at each other- real love.

Today has been a great day. Family and friends are here, the sun is shining and the champagne is flowing. And we'll need it to get through this chicken dinner.

Eileen, let me take this opportunity to read this poem I wrote that captures my thoughts:

Here's to Eileen who I met at work,
At first I thought she was quite the jerk,
She obviously thought she was all THAT,
I just thought she was kind of fat.

But then we became the best of friends,
We shared all the fashion trends,
Not a day goes by; we're on the phone,
I call her when I'm feeling alone.

She's been with me through thick and thin,
She's made me cry, she's made me grin.
Let's raise a glass, let's make a toast.
To Eileen and Bobby, who we love most.

End of Maid Of Honour Speech

Although, for me, this maid of honour speech is a little over the top when it comes to wisecracks, it will suit some of the relationships maids of honour have with the bride.

This wedding speech does incorporate what makes a good maid of honour speech in that it has an introduction, some story telling, and a toast. You can adapt it to suit your needs by just following the structure and adding in your own stories.

 

Maid of Honour Speech to Special Occasion Speech Topics
Father of the Bride Speech
Father of the Groom Speech
Free Best Man Speech
Free Maid of Honor Speech
Maid of Honor Speech
Mother of the Bride Speech
Funny Wedding Speech
Mother of the Groom Speech